So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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