Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She told me I should be a condom model.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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