i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
