I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
