I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
