so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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