you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
