good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
