Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
