You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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