I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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