Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
