I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
