A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
