My Higher Power is John Stamos
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
