you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
