Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
