You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
