matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
