I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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