she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
