Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
