i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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