I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
