I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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