I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
