it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
