she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
