Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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