I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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