what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
