i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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