If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
