Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
