I'm eating all of the evidence.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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