I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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