My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
