There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
