I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
