I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
