This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
