my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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