A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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