we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize