Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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