you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
