he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just invented taco cereal.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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