Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
