I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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