sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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