he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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