sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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