I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My liver just broke up with me...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
