Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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