Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
