We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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