so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
