Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
