We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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