Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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