Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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